Watford Writer's

It was manuscript night on Monday so I took along the piece I had written about not going to Australia.  I'm really glad that I did.  I got excellent feedback from my fellow scribblers, suggestions about changing from the first person to the third, dialogue, tension basically bringing the piece alive for the reader.  It was so good to have all that feedback mostly because it showed that people had listened and could be bothered to make suggestions.  Watford Writer's, I love you.

I have got over my rush of emotion and self-pity about Australia now, I just needed a few says to absorb it.  All in all everyone seems relieved so it was the right decision to make.  A hard choice but the right choice.

Hooroo Oz

Some of you may know that Carl and I (and the kids) were planning to move to Australia in a year or two.  Australia has always been my dream and it really looked as though it might happen.  But there it is 'My Dream'.  It has transpired that other than the tearful goodbye's we would have faced I have realised that Lisa, is still dreadfully unhappy about it.  I had a terrible image of us at the airport and her becoming distraught and saying she couldn't go.  My son, eighteen who lives with his girlfriend wouldn't commit either way which spoke volumes in itself.  I knew deep down that he wouldn't be coming with us.

Carl?  Well bless him, he tried very hard to fall in love with the idea but the closeness of his relationship with his parents presented many hurdles.  Some of which he didn't want to attempt to jump.  Not that I blame him.  This time last year I wasn't close to my mum at all but since she had her fall in January we have become a lot closer.  When I'm there at the weekends I see her get so upset when it's time for me to leave it upsets me too.  She isn't getting any younger, she's in her late seventies.  What will happen if she becomes ill or falls again?  I won't be much good on the other side of the world will I.  So it's a 'no' I'm afraid.  After much soul searching, tears, doubts and realisations, it a definite 'no'.  I wanted to share this news with you because it hurts and it feels good to unburden to somebody who isn't directly involved.  I appreciate this post might be disjointed but I have allowed my emotion to take control on this post.

Rejection

I used to get terribly upset by rejection letters, in fact at one time I would hide them so Carl wouldn't see them and perhaps ask what they were.  These days however it is a different story.  Thanks to Swanwick Summer Writing School and the good writer friends over the past year I have made, I now realise that rejections are a necessary part of becoming a writer.  A "no thank you" means that you have had the courage to send your work out into the world for other people to read and rejection is just an element of that.  I have read about successful writers you have papered their walls/notice boards with rejection slips.  How gutsy to keep sending writing to publishers, not to give up and to keep believing - that is the kind of courage I would like to have. 

Today's rejection was from The Weekly News and was accompanied by some very kind and encouraging comments and I will try them again at some stage.  So instead of shedding hot tears of embarrassment alone in the bathroom I feel upbeat and I am ready to dust myself off to try again.

A quick update...

My writing files are all safe!!  Just as I knew he would Carl saved the day and found/restored them all for me, yay Carl.

On Friday when I was out in the garden I think I over done it a bit.  It's been such a long winter and so long since I was able to get out there and have a good tidy up I think I went at it like a bull in a china shop.  Result?  Torn rota cuff muscles (shoulder) which is very painful. 

On the good side I had a wonderful Mother's Day with cards and presents from all the children and a flying visit from my son Scott, who doesn't live with us.  At the grand old age of 18 he lives with his girlfriend not wanting to relocate with us when we moved to Hertfordshire.  Short visit or not it was great to have all the kids together again, even if they were noisy. 

For Friday

A bit of a desperate day really.  I sat down ready to start transferring my latest story onto the laptop (without editing as I went along).  Could I find my writing files?  I could not.  After half an hour of poking around and getting nowhere I gave up.  I couldn't decide whether to sit and cry or just scream.  What I decided to do in the end was to go and do something useful in the garden.  Although it was a bit nippy and windy it was also dry.  An hour later I had mowed the lawns, tidied my pots and trimmed my rosemary and lavender bushes.  The trimming was good fun as I had borrowed my dad-in-law's hedgetrimmer, up until then I'd never used one.  It did give me an idea for a short story actually.  So the garden looks much neater and as the compost in my pots have been replenished I can think about what I will plant in them this year.

I know my writing isn't lost but I just cannot find any files at all.  When Carl comes home from work I'm sure he will know just where to look - well, here's hoping.

Something new

My new laptop is ready.  I have amused myself for an hour or so playing around with it.  It is much quicker than the last one and has a few more functions.  Bless Carl for all his hard work, he is such a cup-cake.

Today's writing was still focused on the 'emotional' story I started on yesterday.  I added a few more pages (roughly written) but have not begun to transfer them onto my laptop as yet.  It doesn't matter how many times I tell myself I won't change anything as I type it up, I always end up editing something.  Not such a bad thing I suppose but it would be far quicker for me just to copy type it instead of playing with it as I go.  It takes me a lot longer then I get cross with myself because that playing has cost me writing time.  Mad?  I know.

I am in the shop tomorrow so my writing time will be limited but I do so love my time in the shop (for those of you who are new to my blog I work in a local charity shop on a Thursday).  It is a vibrant little shop and an Aladdin's Cave stuffed with treasures waiting to be discovered.

Things only a friend will tell you...

The day started with a phone call from my Guru, who is also a trusted friend of mine.  I wasn't expecting the call so it was a lovely surprise.  Somewhere in the conversation we found ourselves talking about emotion when it suddenly hit me like a sledge-hammer that emotion was the element that my writing had been missing these last few weeks, to which my Guru agreed.  Looking back it is so obvious but I suppose when you are so close to your own work you sometimes can't see the wood through the trees.

We all have experiences in our lives that involve emotion, whether happy or sad and to draw on those experiences is a valuable asset.  I had lost sight of that fact and couldn't see that I was mostly writing for the sake of writing without actually having anything to say.  However, all is not wasted, the wishy-washy writing of the last few weeks can be archived and re-invented at a later date.  I reviewed my Mslexia competition entry and decided that it wasn't what I wanted my writing to reflect, so back to the drawing board with that one.  The closing date is next week so hopefully I will have re-built it in time to enter it as planned.

After the phone call I discarded what I was originally going to do in favour of scribbling down an emotional account of my relationship, old and new, with my mum.  Before I knew it I had written five sides of A4 paper which I have put aside to review tomorrow and type up onto my new laptop which my wonderful hubby Carl has got for me.  This one is sadly nearing the end of it's life and needs to be plugged in all the time as it has no battery function at all.

All in all a very productive day for me.  A big thank you to my Guru for her as ever sound and honest advice and to Carl for always ensuring I have something to type on and to keep all my writing safe.

La Weekend...

I was up at Mum's this weekend as it was my turn.  I am glad to say she is a lot more mobile which has cheered her up no end.  We have become so close over the recent weeks, I really feel for the first time in thirty years or more that I actually know my mum.  In the past I have had many substitute mothers and as warm and lovely as they all were, they were not 'my mum'.  We have had many frank heart to heart talks about things in the past and I really feel we have found a new understanding and respect for each other.  I suppose that goes to show that it is indeed never too late to start over.

I took her shopping on Saturday and we had a good laugh trying to collapse then re-assemble her wheelchair in order to get it in and out of the car, it must have taken me a good ten minutes each time.  It was good to see her so cheery and let's be honest if you cannot laugh at these situations then life will be very dull.

A slight disappointment was my sister, who is getting married in September has decided that she wants a very small wedding.  Nothing wrong with that I hear you say and of course you are right.  But so small is the wedding going to be that neither myself or my other sister are invited to share the happy event.  I understand that it is her day and respect the fact that she should have everything how she wants it, not a problem with that at all.  But I would have loved to have been there, to be part of it all, but alas it is not to be.

Busy Bee

A warm welcome and 'hello' to my new followers. I hope you like my blog and will become regular visitors.

Carl is still not well so both school runs were my responsibility today BUT I did manage a cup of tea in between.  The shop was very busy today and we sold a lot of clothes as well as some vintage pictures.  I love the shop when it's busy.  It's a friendly little shop and thankfully 99% of our customers treat the shop and us with respect, it is just the odd customer who creates bad feeling but thankfully that doesn't happen too often.  We are in the midst of taking the thicker winter clothes off the rails and replacing them with funky brightly coloured spring items.  It's a lot of humping around but seeing the shop light, bright and splashed with colour is well worth it.

I had to take Lisa to the doctors after school and he confirmed that she has a chest infection and I didn't miss the smile on her face when he told her not to go to school tomorrow.  Cerys has started coughing and I'm hoping that it doesn't develop into anything else.

As I said yesterday, no writing done today but that didn't stop that little inner voice nagging me, telling me that I have not produced enough this week and reminded me of the looming closing dates of the competitions I want to enter.  I will have my work cut out next week, but 'bring it on.'

Sunshine Award

This morning when I logged on to my laptop I was touched to see that a writer friend of mine, Diane Fordham from Australia, had sent me a 'Sunshine Award'.  That kind and thoughtful gesture made my day, in fact for most of the day I had a huge smile on my face.  Thank you Diane.

I had a very strange day today.  I didn't do any writing at all.  Carl is not very well so I did both school runs (one driving, one walking).  By the time I got home I was cold and desperate for a cup of tea.  For some reason I just didn't feel like doing any writing, research, reading or indeed, surfing.  I decided on sewing.  I have a plain grey long sleeved t-shirt which has been hanging around, unworn since before Christmas.  So today I decided I would get on and do something with it, by the way of embellishing.  I attached a denim heart and sewed lilac crystal buttons and silver studs on the heart to give it a bit of vaa vroom !  Next I slit the sleeves and intend to stencil small purple flowers each side of the split to emphasis it.  The point is instead of having a boring plain t-shirt I will have a wonderful unique piece that I will be proud to wear.  Well, that's the theory.  Tomorrow I am in the shop so any writing will have to wait until Friday.

That Annoying Little Voice

It seems like an age since I was last able to post, but here I am, back once more.  I have been working on my entry for the Mslexia competition (amongst other things) but I keep being interrupted by a first line of a completely different story.  The story I outlined as my entry to the Swanwick competition.  A few weeks back  I was struggling for inspiration and some get-up-and-go now I am fighting it off.  Well, why not work on the story which keeps interrupting your thoughts I hear you ask?  The closing date for the Mslexia competition is the end of March whereas the Swanwick competition closes at the end of April.  Unlike some writers I find it difficult to work well on two pieces of writing at a time so if anyone knows of a strategy to quieten my inner voice please let me know.

Another thing I have in the pipeline is my lesson from my guru which I haven't been able to give any attention to as yet. I really need to get my head down and complete it as I don't want my guru to think I am not taking thing seriously.  I am grateful for all her instruction and patience and of course, her continued support.